Do you know everything about female pleasure? Is it important to you that not only you but your partner also feels good in bed? Are you an expert in orgasm-guaranteed positions and oral sex? That’s great if you are. However, there is an area of sex that you might have neglected, and which still holds many untapped possibilities if you want to bring pleasure to both yourself and your partner, the fingering.
Fingering is when you specifically stimulate your partner with your hands and fingers. We are not talking about the (hopefully ample and regular) foreplay, but about making caressing, rubbing and fingering the alpha and omega of your encounter. Maybe the last time you did this was in high school, and it’s not uncommon to think of it as an activity for teenagers. But it’s not just teenagers who love it. A significant number of adult women (and of course men) also enjoy being touched well down there.
It’s hard to explain what makes it so exciting when someone else touches you there and why it feels like you’re doing something forbidden.
What makes it so good?
Whether as a woman or a man, if you enjoy being touched by your partner, it can be thrilling to give them control over your pleasure and orgasm. It can be more varied than oral sex because we can control our fingers better than our tongues, allowing for a wider range of stimuli to be given/received. The positions can also be more diverse. It’s exciting that your partner touches you quite differently than you would touch yourself. Since we mostly reach down there with our own hands, we develop routines for rapid gratification, but your partner might try completely different techniques.
Don’t rush in!
Maybe your knowledge of sex comes mainly from porn and you come across such themed scenes and like the characters in the scene, you want to settle the matter in a two-minute roller coaster ride. You might think there’s nothing better than vigorous and immediate clitoral rubbing and intense fingering with as many fingers as possible. This can work if you are both in a very dirty mood. But it’s generally better not to base your technique on this.
If you have time, allow yourself and your partner to relax into the situation. So she can hand over control to you. Don’t think of caressing and manual stimulation as foreplay this time. Let it be the main course, and only proceed if you are already in the mood. It’s a completely different (and no less exciting) sensation for your partner if you start by caressing through her underwear before direct skin contact!
Pay attention to every detail!
Again: it doesn’t have to immediately focus on the clitoris, the G-spot, or the A-spot. Though not immediately pleasure-giving areas, the labia majora and the vaginal entrance also respond sensitively and well to caresses. Your partner might enjoy having her pubic mound stroked or pressed. There’s also a level of arousal where even the inner thighs become super sensitive. While one hand is busy in the hottest spots, you can reach her butt, thighs, or breasts with the other. Use your discretion!
Pay attention and respond well
Every woman is different, and clitoral sensitivity varies almost as much as there are women. Some are super sensitive and could easily overstimulate already at the beginning of sex. Not just in the minutes following an orgasm. If you know your partner is this sensitive, touch her gently and avoid direct clitoral stimulation. Instead, touch the area just above it or pamper her without completely undressing her.
However, if you know or find out during sex that she likes a firmer touch, then the rubbing can be done too. Whichever you choose, watch her signals so you can adjust if you misjudge her needs!
Don’t overdo it
Once your partner is sufficiently aroused, you can move on to the “penetrative” part. Another adult film cliche regarding fingering is that the more fingers (and the larger the size), the better. This is not necessarily true. It’s possible that your partner loves the most intense attention you can give, but if this form of pleasure is not yet regular, start with one or two fingers. And what should you do with them? Anything from rhythmic or alternating in-and-out movements to targeted G-spot or A-spot stimulation. Whatever feels good for your partner and exciting for you.
Mix it up
Just because you’re not just lingering outside doesn’t mean you should forget about the rest of the body. In fact, if you really want to please your partner, stimulate multiple areas simultaneously. She won’t complain if she can’t tell she had a vaginal orgasm mixed with clitoral pleasure or the other way around.
Use lubricant when fingering
If you’ve been patient and your partner is as enthusiastic about fingering as many women are, there won’t be any issues with wetness. But if things aren’t going as smoothly as you’d like, feel free to use some lubricant. It’s not just helpful for the in-and-out movements of your fingers but also makes external caressing more enjoyable for your partner. If you introduce a toy into the mix, make sure the lubricant is water-based to avoid damaging the material. But if you listen to us, skip the extras for now and marvel together at how much pleasure you can give with just fingering. This is well thought out.
Don’t just rely on how she touches herself
Start with yourself first. When you masturbate, you surely have techniques and movements that bring you to climax very quickly. But you’ve probably noticed that these moves don’t always work the same way when you’re in your partner’s hands. Some are much more arousing (even just the way they touch), while others might be uncomfortable: you will always have more experience with this.
It’s no different for women: there are moves that are very exciting when done alone but don’t feel good at all when someone else does them. So instead of copying what she does to herself, find what brings her the most pleasure. Pay attention, ask, and respond to her reactions.
Communication
Whatever the topic in sex, good communication is fundamentally important before, during, and after sex. Talk about what feels good before you start, and it’s especially exciting to comment on the events during sex. When it’s over, it’s worth discussing if everything was good the way it was. By (re)learning this exciting branch of sex, you can make the time you spend together more colorful and thrilling.